


You want me to do what?

by unbelievable2



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Fanfic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:52:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbelievable2/pseuds/unbelievable2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A daft bit of dialogue, written for Sentinel Thursday challenge #475 - "Pouring"</p>
            </blockquote>





	You want me to do what?

“You want me to do what?”

“Just hold those two saucepans, and when I say pour, pour!”

“Pour them into that bowl?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

“It's not obvious to me, Chief. Why am I pouring two pans into the same bowl?”

“We’re pouring three pans. I've got the other pan.”

“So why’re we pouring three pans into the same bowl?”

“Because we're making a three-colour dessert.”

“So why do you need me to pour two pans?”

“Because I don't have three hands?”

“No, why are we pouring them simultaneously?”

“So we get three separate colours in the dessert. Because I’m making a THREE COLOUR DESSERT? Concentrate here, man. It’s for the July 4th picnic.”

“So why don't I just pour one on top…?”

“Because that's not the way the recipe works! The three custards are supposed to bloom together in the bowl!”

“Bloom together? Custards? Custards don't bloom! Unless they’ve gone mouldy….”

“They do in this recipe. If we pour the custards slowly and at the same rate, they won't blend together and we have three colours in the same bowl! Groovy, huh?”

“There's already a recipe for this? For a red, white and blue custard dessert? What lunatic thought up that?”

“Yeah, well, the recipe that I saw, it was really cool, it was actually for three types of caramel custard. And it looked really great in the picture, with these three custards kind of blooming in the big glass bowl. So I thought, why not use red, white and blue? After all, it's the same principle.”

“Patriotic custard?”

“Well, festive, at least.”

“So what the hell is in this stuff?”

“Ah, well, I was a bit compromised by this. You know I'd really prefer to cook using all natural ingredients, and I've really done my best to research the food colourings but...”

“Chief, I can feel the E numbers coming off this gloop in waves. I'm surprised I don't pass out. What it'll do to the kids in the company…..”

“But you can kind of smell it? It smells okay?”

“I can smell industrial process. And the faintest whiff of synthetic strawberries…”

“Dammit, maybe I can cover that up when I put the strawberries and blueberries on the top…”

“And how are you going to decorate the – uh - off-white section? With golf balls?”

“Ha ha, very funny, Jim. Actually, with white chocolate chips.”

“Okay, well, that means there's a least one part of this recipe I’ll be able eat.”

“Right, so can we quit yapping already? Because I'm developing a skin here.”

“Okay, so you want me to hold the pans here? What, right here at this level? And at this angle…?”

“Don't be facetious, Ellison. You can hold a pan. Then just wait until I say – no, no, no! Stop! I'm not ready yet!”

“Jesus, Sandburg, you've only got one pan to deal with.”

“Okay, okay, I'm ready now. Now when I say pour, you pour, steadily and slowly. Got it?”

“This will be a struggle, Sandburg, but it's a challenge I'm going to relish.”

“Okay, one, two, three and pour. Gently, gently, you’re starting to get too fast, Jim, slow down a bit on the red! Yeah, yet that's just right - oh hell, no, your blue’s speeding up! Keep control, man! What's up with your reflexes?”

“I'm probably about to have a seizure on account of these goddamn fumes….”

“Just control your hands! Watch what I’m doing!”

“These are my damn hands, Junior, and they're under control. And quite capable of throttling you as their next task.”

“Okay, okay, yeah - the speed is just right now, and… oh no! Oh my God! They’re all starting to run together! They weren't supposed to do this! This wasn't what the picture looked like!”

“Yeah, well, I could have told you this was not going to go well. Three shades of caramel is a long way from the national flag. Though there does seem to be a fetching band of violet developing there.”

“Okay, okay, you can put the pans down now, Jim. Oh my God, this was not what I expected. Maybe I can cover it all up with fruit... Jim, just take your finger out of that custard!”

“Trust me, Chief, there's no way a few blueberries are going to cover up this taste.”

“I am distraught. I’m really, really broken, man. This was such a neat idea. It’s gone grey. I can’t take this now.”

“Never mind, Chief. It’s going to be useful as plaster when we redecorate. And anyway – 4th of July? It’s gonna be pouring down. You mark my words……”

+++++

 

Notes for cooks: Blair’s recipe was inspired by one I saw in a cookbook – I recall Delia Smith – many years ago. I never made it, but I always thought it looked kinda nice……


End file.
